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If we gave much thought to God's providence and natural order in our lives in our earliest days, certainly there was not enough desire within us, to allow Him to direct our lives for our betterment.
In any case, competitive motives from our earliest days on this earth molded our lives, as we tried hard to "Fit In", "Prove Ourselves", or "Show Them". We blended our actions with how we thought the world expected us to behave, and still that feeling of inner peace and harmony eluded us. Feeling either a little, or a lot like the "Square peg in a round hole" was part of every one of us. That occasional taste of success was only ever really short-lived. The void in our lives would return.
Our common
personal welfare started suffering, as we
reacted unnaturally, against sound advice, and not listening to our conscience. Basic reason and common sense for survival and correct living took second place to irrational feelings and imagination.
With varied feelings of rejection, and continued isolated thinking, some of us neglected proper care and control of ourselves. We misunderstood, and misread the intentions of those around us who offered us love.
In our imagination we rationalized the real nature of our unhealthy conduct, blocking out the possibility of having to look into ourselves and changing.
Then in time
fantasies, delusions, and obsessions of every kind including suicide and death,
gripped us as we practiced irrational behavior
and habits. For
some the craving to satisfy inner demands was enormous, ever demanding more,
and paying us dividend upon dividend of resentment, remorse, guilt, loneliness,
fear, anxiety, despair, and every variety of bitter fruit possible.
Still rejecting advice, and refusing to co-operate with help, we blindly locked into a cycle of bitter repetitive destruction, still convinced we could manage our own lives "if only".
And then we found Jesus, it was time to bring the truth
forward. He was ready.
It became our turn to be teachable.
A new life was under way, and we desired Him, and all He represented.
They
mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of
trouble. They reel to and fro, and
stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits end. Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble
and he bringeth them out of their distresses.
He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Ps. 107 : 26-29
I waited patiently for the
Lord, and he inclined unto me and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry
clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings, and He hath put a
new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God, many shall see it and fear, and
shall trust in the Lord. Ps. 40 : 1-3.
We wondered how long ago we stopped believing, and what it was we should have believed.
Our today was the result of all our yesterdays.