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And some of us were the children of PROBLEM PARENTS.
We had both loved and hated our parents, never sure of where we stood, or what was going to happen next.
Drunkenness, another adult in the home, another address, another school, again.
How at times we tried to please our parents, sometimes succeeding, sometimes not. And that feeling of loneliness, at school, and at home. It just hurt so much to feel not wanted. Broken homes broke our hearts.
And for some of the kids it was tougher - bashings, severe punishments, and incest.
We knew God was there. We needed to know Him. We needed a love-relationship with Jesus.
"What good to me now was my money, my job, my position, another partner, my anything? None at all.
I had violated God's most precious plan for me, and mankind - My Family".
There is a natural knowing in each of us, when we are part of this terrible thing. We are stained - all of us - by the very nature of this breaking-up.
The memory would never go away.
"It's not born, and it will not know what's happening, you will be up and about on your feet in no time, and you'll soon forget all about it. We can help you get over it".
But they couldn't, and they didn't, and I couldn't forget. I knew all the time it was unnatural.
And there were those of us who were good and regular church attenders, who would regularly take communion, pray , read the Word, give of our finances, and even fast. We had been, and were being blessed, in family areas, work areas, and so on.
Too often however, the joy and happiness we sought eluded us. We would pray, and numerous others would pray, which would see improvement, but this would not last, and depression and self pity would move in again, with its companion, unworthiness.
Changing churches, pastors, and Christian groups over a long period offered us no long term peace and contentment.
Those of us who could muster enough honesty admitted we needed that something extra.
For others of us we felt we had been the victims -of misfortune, cruel twists, and tricks. Our child-given principles stayed with us, but our efforts to practice love, faith and charity were gradually undermined, as we experienced various disappointments, and went through "life's experiences'. Those around us seemed to be the source of all our unhappiness.
"Why me?" "Poor me", as we suffered heartache and hurt.
Perhaps the loss of a loved one, perhaps the betrayal by a trusted partner, a family suicide, or a husband or son in jail. It always hurt in the deepest corner of our heart. We doubted if it was possible ever to get over these hurts.
However, on reflection too, we saw areas of our own lives had fallen short of our youthful dreams! In our marriages, our children, our home life, our church life, our business life, our standards; perhaps we could have done better. We really didn't want to look too closely. We had shrugged when we had seen success in others, and had envied them, wishing our own lot would improve. Far off fields always looked greener.
We took stock of our lives.
On the one hand we had been honorable, worked hard, loyal, and had tried to be the best example we could be for our children to follow.
But unforgiveness lived deep down, unworthiness its companion. We felt inferior, conscious of fear, anxiety, and self pity, lonely, and sometimes very confused. We had a low self-image. Perhaps all that we had succeeded in doing, was keeping up appearances.